Dealing with your ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, or father of your child can be a difficult situation, no matter how long you have known each other. There are bound to be emotions running high over one thing or another. Even if your child was the product of a friendly romp with someone you still respect, when it comes to matters of child support and the financial bottom line, people tend to let their emotions become tangled up with their logic.
Here are a few tips for dealing with the ex when things get a bit touchy:
Keep it about the kids. Though it might be tempting to drag up the past, don’t go there. When you discuss the children, keep it all about them. For instance, your child’s father doesn’t have to pay “you” child support — they have to pay it to their children. Subtle word changes in the conversation can keep things on an even keel, so choose your words wisely, and don’t be railroaded into a conversation about anything other than the subject at hand.
Stay civil. If your ex baits you about something, do NOT rise to the challenge. They are trying to get a rise out of you, and if you say something you don’t mean in the heat of the moment, it could come back to haunt you. Taking the high road always turns out for the best, no matter how hard it is to stay on it at the time — and as any single mother knows, it can be VERY tough to bite your tongue when you want to lash out!
Discuss it in private. Don’t let the kids see you discussing important issues or arguing, especially if it involves visitation, child support, or other topics that directly concern your child. They don’t yet understand the subtle nuances of the adult world, and they might take something in entirely the wrong way — and that leaves a lot of explaining to do.
Stay on topic. Don’t start talking about his new flame, your new boyfriend, or anything else that might take the situation away from the most important point: the children and what you intend to do about whatever it is you are discussing.
Get it in writing. When you’re dealing with child support and other financial issues, taking someone at their word simply isn’t enough. Get it all in writing! If there are any questions about paternity — even if your ex knows very well that the child is his — get the tests done. Put child support agreements in writing and have them signed before a notary; better yet, go through the court system to make it all legal.
Be polite. Through it all, be nice. Kill them with kindness! Not only does it throw off someone who is looking for a fight, but it’s the right thing to do.
