Single moms deserve to have good, healthy relationships just as much as anyone else. And as a single mother, you know how important it is to be happy — your children see your happiness and mirror it themselves. There really is truth to the saying that if Momma is happy, everybody is happy!
Dating is one of those things that single moms begin to think about at some point, usually after the pain of their last breakup has faded and they are ready to move forward and see what’s out there. But dating as a single mother is very different than dating as a woman who doesn’t have children. There is more than just your happiness to think about — now you are a package deal, and whoever falls in love with you had better understand that he’s bound to fall in love with your kid, too.
So what are the ground rules? How do you learn to navigate that world of single mom dating? These tips can help ease your dating jitters:
Be completely honest. You’re a single mother. Times are tough. Sometimes you’re scared, but you always know that you have to do the best for your kids. If a man wants you, he must want your children as well. Be up-front and honest about the fact that you are a doting mother. Focus your attention on your date, but do mention that you have kids. That puts the ball in his court, and if he wants to date you — knowing you have children — he will ask for that second date. If he doesn’t, congratulate yourself on narrowing down the field and having a chance to find someone who really does want a woman with kids.
Don’t bring him home. No matter how quickly you hit it off, wait a while before you introduce him to your children. The last thing you need to do is introduce someone who might become a father figure to them, and then walk away at the first hint of relationship trouble. Give it several months before you invite him to spend time with your children, and even then, make it casual — meet him at a park, or “run into him” at the laundromat. Give your kids time to adjust to the idea of this new man.
Let your kids decide. If your children are younger, let them tell you when it’s time to invite that nice man to the movies with you. The more comfortable they are with inviting him to come along themselves, the more comfortable they will be when things move into something more permanent. If your children are older and know “what’s up” when it comes to this new guy, keep the lines of communication open, and make sure your kids see how happy you are. Make sure to tell them, every single day, that you want them to be happy, too.
