Single moms who are playing the dating game can find themselves surrounded by adoring men who want to be a part of their lives. While this can be a wonderful thing, there are also times when it can be daunting, especially when a man becomes rather pushy about his attentions. When a pushy suitor pursues a single mom, there can come a time when she has to put her foot down and make things clear to the gentleman – or the jerk – in question.

Keep in mind that when you join the dating game, it’s not just about you anymore. It’s about your kids too, and the man you ultimately choose will probably become a part of their lives in a very big way. So if a man starts out by being pushy, you can bet that he will be that way in the future as well. It’s time to nip that attitude in the bud!

Start out by telling him gently that things don’t appear to be working out. If he asks for reasons, tell him exactly why. Give him specific examples if you can, or simply tell him that it’s an overall gut feeling you have, one that you just can’t shake. If he understands and backs off, then there is a possibility it could work. But if he argues with you and tries to make it all about something that is “in your head,” you know it’s time to get rid of him for good. Don’t hesitate on this, and always remind yourself that you are making certain your children have the best life possible.

If the man continues to push the issue, or won’t leave you alone after you have taken all reasonable steps to remove him from your life, it’s time to go further. Make it clear that you will obtain a restraining order if necessary, and also make it clear that you will not take “no” for an answer where leaving you alone is concerned. And if he continues to be the pushy suitor, make good on your promise.

Single moms who turn to the police department for a restraining order and other methods to protect themselves and their children are doing the best they can to get out of a bad situation. Don’t hesitate to do what you need to do if discussing the situation with your pushy suitor doesn’t work.

The best thing you can do is make certain your dating adventures are slow and careful. Take your time in getting to know someone, be very careful about learning all you can about them, and don’t become starry-eyed when it comes to love and romance. Dating when you’re a single mom is a whole different ballgame, one that takes even more patience and care than the typical dating scenario. Patience is the name of that game!

When you’re a single mom working to make ends meet, getting sick is not in the cards. Single moms and illness just doesn’t go together in the grand scheme of keeping food on the table. So what does a single mom do when illness strikes? It’s necessary to have a plan to handle the issue.

Single moms who are worried about what to do when they become ill can consider these options:

• Always have a back-up plan. Your child needs you to be healthy, but sometimes, you are just ill – period. So have a back up plan in case that happens. Plan on taking your child to daycare as usual, and just go back home and go to bed. If your child is in the daycare at your workplace, they will obviously be with you throughout your sick day, unless you can get a friend or family member to take care of them. Make any alternative arrangements as necessary.
• Have some money put away. Those sick days can take a toll on our paycheck, especially if you don’t have any sick days saved up. Try to put a bit of money away for one of those days when you can’t go to work, but you still need to put your child in daycare. It might not be easy to save up that kind of money, but it’s something you really should do for your own peace of mind.
• Be proactive. At the first sign of a sniffle or sore throat, start taking medication to combat it. Get more sleep if you can. When flu season rolls around, get your flu vaccine – it might not stop the flu, but it will definitely lessen the impact. And when you are sick, try to remember not to touch your child until you have washed your hands, and don’t do anything that could transmit the virus to your kids.
• Talk with your employer about how many sick days you have, and how you can accumulate more. If you can work overtime or in the evenings in order to accrue more sick days, that’s always a good idea. The more sick days and vacation days you have in the pipeline, the less of a worry it might be when you do become sick.
• If it’s your child that’s sick, make sure you have alternative arrangements for your child in case they can’t go to their regular daycare center. A friend or family member is a good bet, or other daycare centers that offer care for those children who are feeling under the weather would work as well. Talk with your employer and daycare provider about the options you might have if your child is dealing with illness, too.

Birthday parties! Kids get so excited about a party just for them, they start planning and begging and dreaming long before the birthday month gets there. By the time their big day is almost over, they are already talking about the next birthday party and what cool things it might entail. It’s impossible not to be swept up into the magic of it all.

But getting caught up in that magic is exactly what leads parents to spend an enormous amount of money on all the birthday party trimmings for their children. Avoid that temptation, especially if you are a single mom on a tight budget. Instead of inflatable castles and pony rides, pony up something that your child will remember forever – a special day filled with so many good things that don’t cost a single dime.

• Free day at the pool. If your child’s birthday falls in the summertime, look for free days at the local pool. Take your child and several other children there to play. Pack sack lunches for everyone, and include a cupcake for the birthday baby.
• Scavenger hunt in the park! Ask the children to play scavenger and find a list of natural items, such as certain rocks, feathers, leaves, and the like. Whoever wins the hunt gets a homemade prize!
• Bonfire on the beach. Go digging for crabs, and then have a bonfire on the beach with your kid and their friends. Be sure to bring the things you need to have an old-fashioned crab boil! Then sit back and look at the vivid stars.
• Kitchen party. Ask your guests to bring one ingredient for the cake you will create, and then help the children put it all together. The good conversation and laughter will be memorable, and the cake will be made with plenty of love from everyone who came to the party.
• A community service party. If your kids are a bit older and understand the thrill of giving to others, celebrate by getting a group of their friends together and helping out at the shelter or neighborhood community center. Make it something the kids will always remember, and when you get home, bake their favorite dinner and of course, dessert with a candle.
• Movie night. Get friends together with their sleeping bags and homemade popcorn. Check out free movies from the library, set up the “campout” in front of the television, and make it a marathon.
• Ghost stories campfire. If you have the equipment to wander the woods, go camping! Take a few friends, be sure to pack the candles and lantern, and tell ghost stories around the campfire while you cook dinner over the flames. Talk about a birthday adventure your kids will never forget!

Emergencies happen. No matter how safe we think we are, and no matter how confident we are in our communities, sometimes things happen that are out of our control. Single moms can be even more affected by emergencies in their community, because they don’t usually have anyone to rely on in the midst of a true emergency, and their kids depend upon them to keep them safe.

Think it can’t happen to you? Think again. Take the recent flooding in Tennessee, or the catastrophic lessons of Hurricane Katrina, or even the examples of families cut off from their communities in the event of a major earthquake. These lessons prove that emergencies can strike anywhere, at any time, and often there is very little warning. The best thing a single mom can do to prevent chaos during an emergency is to be prepared long before the terrible situation strikes.

Are you ready? It’s time to make sure.

• Visit FEMA and download an emergency preparedness list. Read up on the things that you need to know in the event of an emergency, and share what you learn with your children. Start preparing your emergency kits and gather the information you will need in the event of a catastrophic event. The checklists will be very valuable in helping you do this.
• Make plans for alternatives. Though you might never have to use it, make plans for alternative housing, transportation, and the like. Go through emergency scenarios in your head and on paper, and make arrangements for everything. For instance, if you have pets that you would need to take with you if you had to evacuate your home, locate the closest hotels that would accommodate your pets.
• Pay attention! When emergencies happen in other communities, pay attention to how it is handled, so you will know what to expect. Know who you might need to contact if the emergency were to happen to you next time. Pay attention to news reports and newspaper articles about what others are looking for in the event of an emergency, and make sure you have those things covered.
• Never assume. Many people make the mistake of assuming they will have the basic conveniences, such as water service, electricity, and even cell phones. However, in the event of a true emergency, those things can be cut off for quite some time. Do a test run of what it might be like to not have those things to rely on, and find ways to manage. For instance, tape down the taps for a day so you can’t turn on the water. What do you do? What do you take for granted? By pinpointing those necessities and how to provide for them during an emergency, you will be ready when it does happen.
• Get others involved. Start right now by talking to your neighbors about emergencies. How could you help each other out? Talk about things like where the water and electricity shut-offs are located, how to get the word out from one house to another without the usual communication channels, and brainstorm ways to handle emergencies. You will all be much safer!

It is the bane of single mothers everywhere: finding that perfect babysitter who not only takes good care of your kids, but enjoys being with them as well. Single moms who snag the best babysitters tend to guard them with everything they have. Ask a single mom for the name of her awesome babysitter and her eyes will narrow, she will take a step back, and she will think carefully about her choice of words – because you can bet she’s not going to give up that name for any amount of money.

How can you find a babysitter like that? Single moms do have little tricks for finding the best of the best among caregivers, and here are a few of the insider secrets:

• Train them yourself. Is there a very responsible young person in the neighborhood who seems to have it all under control? Talk to them about the possibility of babysitting. If they have never done it before, you can train them yourself. Let them spend time with your kids. Ask them to have dinner with all of you, and take the time to walk through the house, getting them familiar with it. Spring to pay for a CPR certification, and do other things that increase their knowledge and make you feel more secure at the same time. That untried responsible young person can turn into a world class babysitter, and you’ve got them all to yourself!
• Request the best. Go to the local high school and speak to the guidance counselor. Tell them about your situation, and explain that you want a high school student who not only can handle the big responsibility of taking care of your kids, but one who also needs the money for college. The guidance counselor will then be able to handpick a few teenagers who would love to take on the job.
• Screen applicants carefully. Put ads up at the local college, hit up community message boards, and keep your eyes and ears open when you are running errands around town. When you find a potential person to handle your babysitting duties, screen them very carefully, including references. Make those calls, and ask lots of questions!
• Consider other single mothers. Nobody knows how to handle the pressures of kids like a single parent. Other single moms in your community probably need the money that babysitting can provide, and since they have their own kids, they already have a kid-proof house. Your kid will have a built-in playmate, and you won’t have to worry about whether they are getting the proper snacks, attention, and the like. It’s a win/win for everybody!
• Make a grandma smile. Consider hiring an older, very experienced lady – one who is a grandmother. The nest is very empty, and she might not get to see her grandchildren as much as she would like. She definitely has the know-how and patience to deal with your child, although you might run the risk of having a very spoiled kid by the time she’s through. However, that isn’t always a bad thing! Grandmas have a great reputation for a reason, so take advantage of it if you possibly can.

Single moms know that their children can come up with the most astounding and sometimes embarrassing questions they have ever heard. But since they are always honest with their children (or at least, they should be!), they strive to answer those tough questions in the best way they know how. Here are a few questions that single moms have learned to dread:

• Where’s my Daddy? This question might be the hardest for a single mom to answer, no matter what the circumstances. If you are divorced, how do you explain that to a child without making them worry about their place in your life? If you are single by choice, how can you explain why they don’t have a daddy around like other kids do? If you are a single mom because you have been widowed, then you have an even tougher situation to deal with when answering that question. The best thing to do is be as honest as possible, all the while reassuring your child that you will be there for them, no matter what.
• Why can’t you stay home with me? This question from your child can be heartbreaking for a single mom. You want to spend as much time as you can with your kids, but financial circumstances often dictate otherwise. Explaining to your child that you have to work hard to make ends meet can be a tough discussion to have, especially when it leads to the previous question about where the other parent is. Again, the best answer is to be honest, or to sit down with your child – if they are old enough – and show them both the calendar and the bank account to help them understand.
• Who is that man? When you start dating, your kids might have plenty of questions about the man you are seeing, and even more embarrassing, what you are doing with them. They might start to wonder about sex, which can turn into a huge issue – most children see their single mothers as devoted entirely to them, and don’t think about the fact that a single mom is actually a woman with needs. Young children won’t ask those questions as often as tweens or teenagers do. Single moms will have to decide carefully on what should be told and what shouldn’t – but keep in mind that if they are asking questions about sex, they are definitely ready for “the talk.”
• Why can’t we be like everybody else? This question often pops up after a child has spent time at a friend’s house, where there is an “intact” family of mother, father, and kids. Everything might look idyllic, and your child might wonder why they have a life different from that of their peers. Remind your child that families come in all shapes and sizes, and that just because you are a bit different from the family down the street does not mean you are any less of one. This will be something your kids will need to hear from an early age through adulthood, so start reinforcing the idea right now!

Being a single mom is tough, but sometimes getting into a new relationship is even tougher. Single moms often face a tough road when it comes to deciding how and when to blend their family with that of their new partner. Sometimes the question of blending families never comes up, and a single mom is happy to go on dating someone for years, until her kids are grown and off with families of their own.

But if you do choose to take the next step in dating and introduce your families to each other, here are a few points to remember:

• Take the introductions slow and easy. Don’t force anything! Your kids might feel as though another man is taking their father’s place, or they might feel as though they should have you all to themselves. if you have been a single mom for a long time, they might blame your new flame for rocking the perfectly fine boat. Depending upon their ages, they might be jealous, skeptical, and even angry about the new developments in your personal life.
• Talk to your kids. Every single mom knows how important it is to talk to their children about things they go through, but it is especially important for single moms who are considering changing their family dynamic. This is not something that should happen overnight, or even over a matter of weeks. It can take months, or even  years, to make the transition from “single mom” to “attached mom.” Your kids will have to be a part of that from the very start, and that begins with talking about the possibilities.
• Form a plan, but anticipate changes. When it’s time to talk about turning your new relationship into a permanent one, whether that includes marriage, moving in together, or whatever the situation might be, sit down and talk to your partner about what to expect and what your plans are. How will you handle discipline? What if your kids don’t get along? What can you expect from your respective exes? What kind of household will you have? Understand that you need a plan, but also be flexible. Not everything will work out the way you anticipate!
• Be patient. Perhaps the most important rule of all when it comes to blending families is to simply be patient. There will be times when you have to take a deep breath and calm down, and there will be moments when you wonder what in the world you were thinking. But those tough moments will pass, and you will soon settle down into something much more fun and respectful. Who knows? This time around, you might find love and happiness that lasts a lifetime, both for you and for your kids.

As a single mom, it can be very tempting to avoid the expense of an attorney. A single mom might hate the thought of handing all that money over to a lawyer you will only see for a handful of minutes every few months, when you happen to show up in court together. Do you really have to pay the cost of an attorney to handle child support payments, alimony, or other issues that might come up with your child’s father? Or can you handle the single mom legal issues on your own?

The question of single moms representing themselves in court is a tricky one. If you have access to mediation services, those might be your best bet, as they are meant to help you through the process while avoiding a long and expensive court battle. But if you do have to go to court, and you decide to go it alone, the best thing you can do is educate yourself. Choose a few basic law books that explain court procedure in layman’s terms. Look to court clerks for advice on which forms you might need and why. If you have the opportunity to talk to a law student, ask for their advice on what you should do, and on how to handle court procedure. Explain to them that you are a single mom who needs legal help, and they will point you in the right direction.

Keep in mind that many judges will understand your desire to represent yourself, and they will provide a bit of leeway for you in the courtroom, but not much. Other judges might not be so kind. So it is very important to have all your facts straight and know exactly what you are fighting for in the court system, especially if you are a single mom going up against an ex with a high-powered attorney.

If you do want to handle your legal woes yourself, keep in mind that you might not have to go to court at all. If you are very good at negotiating, you might be one of the 80% of cases that winds up being settled out of court. However, be sure that all the fine print of your settlement is crystal clear, and that there are no loopholes. Even if you do choose to go it without an attorney, this might be the point where you choose to hire an attorney to simply look over the paperwork, which can cost much less than actual court representation.

Single moms can cut corners here and there, but if the situation pertains to custody of your children, it’s best to bring in a legal expert. When you are dealing with child support, alimony, and things that involve money, you might be able to negotiate a settlement or an agreement, but when it comes to custody, the welfare of your children is at stake in a way that it wasn’t before. Custody cases should always be brought before a judge by an attorney who is ready and willing to fight on your behalf, and knows all the ins and outs of the law. If you can’t afford an attorney, talk to the legal aid office about what they offer for cash-strapped single moms.

Single moms who work from home have to have child care, too. Many people believe that single moms who work from home actually sit around watching talk shows all day, but that is hardly the case. As a working single mom knows, sometimes it’s impossible to do it all, even if you’re working at home. Your work day never ends, but neither does your child’s need for attention.

Many moms who work from home make rules that their children must heed, just as rules for chores or playtime. Their children understand that when mommy is on the phone, there are no interruptions. Or when the office door is closed, that means it’s time for work for mom. But even then, mothers have to have child care for their children when they are trying to work.

So what do you do? There are several options for child care, but the best is in-home babysitting that is there when you need it. Perhaps you can schedule certain days to work, and those days include the babysitter in your home, entertaining your child while you get things done. Or you can work half-days and ask your babysitter to be there for that, then finish paperwork and other odds and ends after your children are tucked away in bed.

Older children will understand better, and can be involved in your work. Set up a desk for your middle-school children and let them know they can work on their homework after school while you finish up what you’re doing. Allow your teenagers to help you handle certain aspects of your work that you might find tedious, and pay them a nice salary for doing it. Even young children can be good at organizing and filing, if you supervise them on how to do it the first few times.

Finally, if you have a childcare solution that involves family and friends, that’s even better. Working at home as a single mom is supposed to allow you to spend more time with your children, and having family involved will help with that goal.

Single moms often have to deal with special milestones alone, without a partner by their side. That can become especially tough as children get older and the big milestones begin to roll in – the driver’s license, the prom, the first broken heart, and the graduation, just to name a few. Even if you are a single mom by choice, sometimes you want to share those special moments with someone who is special to you. It can be tough to turn to share the joy with someone and find that there is no one there…again.

So take steps to cope with the milestones and the emotion that comes with them by being prepared for that feeling of emptiness that will come from time to time. There are a few ways to do this:

• Form a strong network of family and friends. Those you have around you during those most important milestones should be the same ones who have been with you through thick and thin. They will be able to boost you up when you’re down, celebrate with you when you’re happy, and be able to talk about being a single mom in ways that are compassionate and understanding.
• Find a special friend who understands. Other single moms will understand the pressures and the needs you have at those times in your life that might be more emotional than others. Talk to other single moms who are in the same boat and learn to comfort each other when the situation calls for a hug or a friendly phone call just to “check in.”
• Consider your reasons for being a single mom. If you are a single mom, you probably have good reason for it. You might have chosen against marriage or relationships for your own reasons. You might have been in a terrible situation and now you’re happy to be out of it. Perhaps you prefer your independence. Whatever the reason, you’re single right now, and that’s just how it is.
• Celebrate in your own special way. My mother was a single mom for a long time, and so we formed our own traditions for those unique milestones. We would go to a midnight movie, just the two of us, with popcorn and cokes. It was a simple celebration, sure — but it was uniquely ours, and we loved the time we spent together. We were content to just focus that celebration on the two of us, and neither one of us ever missed having a third person around. We were perfectly complete as we were — just as you and your kids are.