Looking for guidance, success stories RE : welfare to work

[ddjw&me]

I filed for divorce in 2004, have since had to file for bankruptcy. Used to have exceptional credit, now low credit scores. My exhusband of 10 years has turned his back on his kids, no interest in their lives, visitation or monetary support. It's me and 2 chronically ill kids 24/7. I have worked since age 16. Switched form medical asistant to front office manufacturing in hopes of more flexibility for times when children are ill. After 4 years, that job was ended due to lack of work. Barely made it on unemployment which is now exhausted. After few interviews, no future job prospects on horizon. Bad time, short utilities, rent, and other essentials.
I learned that I could get $400/mo from state, if I forego child support, which is $3000+ in arrears, no consistant payments since July 2008. If I take state money, still short for monthly musts and give up any chance of ever receiving the arrears. kids both sick now, one for 13 days now. Beside myself, not sure what is the wise decision. Anyone been there or have words of wisdom ? Please share. Many thanks,

[lynda]

Hello My Dear --

I'm sorry for what's happening to you. First, I want to share something that I found very interesting when I first left my daughter's father. Here it is - "If you are still referring to him as your exhusband - you are still emotionally attached." I remember when I first read that sentence - it really made an impact on me. I never called him my "ex" after that - he has always just been my daughter's father - period. He too was a dead beat dad - now he's just a dead dad. Excuse me for putting it that way - but - he did die - and he was a dead beat dad before. As soon as you start calling him your childrens' father, you will feel better inside - I'm not sure how it works - but it sure helps to stop calling the jerk your ex.

Take the money from the state - THEY will get money from him - even if they have to arrest him. That's what I did - I took the state money and the state went after him and put him in jail until he paid. Then I was able to stop taking money from the state, and he kept paying after that.

I know you don't have money - but you MUST buy a jar of chewable Vitamin C to keep your kids healthy. If they have constant colds and flu like symptoms, you need to take them off all milk products for a while. No milk, no ice cream, nothing dairy related. This will give them a chance to clear all the mucus. Milk makes mucus worse. If they are young and need milk in their bottles, buy soy milk or rice milk. It's a little more expensive, but it will help them get well. Get them to chew a vitamin C tablet at least twice a day - prefer 3 times a day. Once they're healthy, they can lower that to one time a day - but while sick - Vitamin C 3 times a day.

Do you have family near you?

I too am a single mom with a chronically ill daughter. She's been very sick for 5 years, and it's so sad. This past year she hasn't left the house except for hospital and doctor visits. She hasn't been out with friends for over a year - she is 23 now. She's had numerous surgeries, lost 14" of her intestines so far, and had numerous complications, including "coding" 3 times. At one point she was in the hospital for 7 straight months. I couldn't work - I had to stay with her.

I too lost my job for "lack of work." I think the truth was they didn't like my daughter on their health insurance - I think the insurance company was raising the insurance premiums on the company I worked for - because my daughter was sick and always in the hospital.

I too have dark days where I worry how I'll pay the rent, buy food, buy her meds. But, somehow things seem to work out. We never have extra money, and I do have to "rob Peter to pay Paul." One month I pay the electric. The next month I pay my car payment and not the electric. The next month I pay the cable and phone bill. Then I'm back to paying the electric. Sure, I get notices and phone calls. I never answer my phone anymore unless I recognize the number - I got sick of talking to bill collectors.

I'm not into any organized religions - however, I am very spiritual and I do pray to God and ask Him to help. I also pray to my foster parents who passed, to a couple of friends who passed, and others. I just go to bed at night and ask them all to help me. Perhaps you can try it.

When you're collecting money from the state, hopefully you will get food stamps too - and hopefully health care for your kids. I'm sure the little money you'll get from the state won't be enough, but go to www.care.com. There are people there that need their dogs walked, people that need someone to drive a senior once in a while, etc. You can make a little extra cash doing odd things like that. God Bless.

Lynda ( '-' )