What to do if your family ignores your birthday?

[henryleslie]

My Mom passed away 6 years ago and we were very close. On my birthday even when I was far away, she always called a florist and bakery and made a fuss. But now I am left with 2 brothers in their 40's and a Dad who are typical men. I have no sisters. Most years I get a lame phone call and nothing else. No dinner, cards, etc. This year I turned 35 (yesterday actually) and the only card I got was from my boss. I have told my 1 brother that lives 20 minutes away that his behavior hurts and I get the same excuse each year, "I have a full time job and wife and kid and are just too busy." I am single and he actually said to me that only married people are entitled to attention on their birthdays. He is married and got a big fuss for his 41st birthday in May with dinner at a restaurant, cake, cards, etc. He said that it is a perk of being married (his wife planned it) and because I am single I am not entitled to all that stuff for my birthday. My birthday is late august and my friends blow me off because they are too busy getting their kids ready for school or whatever the current excuse is. So I often end up spending it alone. But Im 35 and I have searched high and low and everyone I meet over 30 (male or female) is married with kids. I need to find single friends around my age. Any advice? Because I am tired of being friends with married people with kids because they are always blowing me off because they are "busy" and I am just sick of it. I think they could make the time for a friend's 35th birthday if they wanted but they don't. And to top it all off, my one brother's excuse this year was that he couldn't do dinner because he was too busy packing for a weekend lake trip which is wife disinvited me to. I still don't know why I was disinvited. I am good, kind person who goes out of their way to help people and get gifts and cards for them. If anything I am too nice and that is why I get dumped on by everybody because they know they can get away with it. They said it was because they didn't realize at the time they invited me that the block of rooms they had reserved with the others in the group were "full". And lastly, the middle brother has forgotten most of the past 15 years and only sends a card when he is married and his wife gets the card. (He is twice divorced and recently went to jail for contempt for not removing his former wife from property deeds that he is delinquent on.)

[mystikalroze]

didn't read everything, but you're not a kid so get over it. I'm 18 but i don't care if my bday is ignored or not. If i want a party, I'll find a way to organize it myself or get friends to do it for me. In fact, my closest friends don't even remember my bday, only distant people do. But i don't give a damn. Although it's a bit annoying considering the fact that I always remember theirs and buy them presents.

[fokker_triplane]

Yeah I didn't read that entire rant either, but get over it. Kindergarden is over.

[Sonadora]

oh Honey!!! Happy late Birthday!!!!!As for family, forget about them!!!! Im married and and my mom lives 20 min away and even she forgot my b-day. (To tell you the truth so did I)I say: Buy yourself a ticket to a singles cruise, you dont have to hook up with anyone but at least make friends.

[Elayne]

I understand where you're coming from. My birthday is four days before Christmas and I ALWAYS get forgotten. It really pisses me off when the people I work with expect me to pitch in on everyone else's birthday lunches when every year they forget my birthday.As a result I don't celebrate anyone else's birthday. I might make a nice dinner or cake for my husband but that's about it. What your brother said about only married people deserving attention is totally ridiculous. People think birthdays aren't a big deal until people stop remembering theirs. Then it's a different story.It sounds like your family is just a bit jerky. (I understand that too) Good luck in dealing with those people. - - EDIT: I just love the little kids telling you to get over it. These are people who think they know everything but have no real life experience and take it for granted that their mommies and daddies are still fussing over them. See how they act once they're on their own in the real world for a couple of years.OMG. There's a 13 year old saying she's too mature for birthday parties. Give me a break. I'm going to report that kid for being too young to be on yahoo answers.

[Steffie]

Men will be men, I raised 3 boys and their father could care less about birthday oops, other than his own. His mommy never let the sun set on his big day. Its a man thing, too bad his wife is not taking up your side of this. Why bring it up anymore? They are being stupid about it really. What you need to do is look for a way to reward your self and let go of the feelings you have about this. That will not be easy but it will make you unhappy to hang on to this. Write down your feelings in a note book, forgive them if you can. Let it go and move on. Go to their parties put on the face of forgiveness and don't say a word. Silence is louder than words. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you upset. Forgive and let it go before it changes your character. Do something special for yourself. Invite your friends if you want to something for yourself. Be kind to you and remember. They forget their wives birthdays too.

[uber-shemaine]

well u can go to a pub and socialise. im not realli into bday parties since ive 'matured' frm it. and hey im only 13!

[birdkid025]

hi im 18 and ive may be alot younger than you but ive experienced something along the same lines, like i got a big family, and when my 18th birthday came around i got 3 cards and 3 calls, and the people tht called are the same tht sent the cards, yea i got happy birthdays from my friends too but thts something else, even when i was younger it was pretty much the same but hey cant expect everything from everyone so my advice to you on that would be just let it go, ive stopped caring about my birthday for that exact reason, plus hey its just a birthday not like its a national holiday, and this thing with your brother with you gotta be married to be entitled to a celebratory event for your bday, no offense but tell him to shove it, its a load of bull, but with friends just go out and do stuff and youll meet people where ever you go, and when you get some close friends they will celebrate with you even if its just drinks or a dinner, and with this other brother with packing for a trip and you were uninvited, maybe they wanted to be alone or just go with some friends, but what you should do is just drop by for a surprise visit or call your family up and plan something with just your family (dad, and two brothers), and you could just talk it out and let them know how you feel but if that isnt fro you then just get closer to them and as time goes on everything will get better

[Zoe]

yeah it is a bit inconsiderate and the thing about birthday celebrations being a perk of marriage is bullshit. in all honesty it doesnt sound like any of them would organise a party but if you organise the celebration and let people know, all they have to do is keep the date free and turn up but to be honest all my friends have to be reminded of my bdayand i theirs. the only people who remember that arent my immediate family are the ones who put it in their phone calendars so on that day their phone gives them a little reminder and they send a text or something. otherwise it is quite a hard thing to remember amongst all the other crap in life. also there are plenty of people in their 30s who are single with no kids you just have to get out there and meet them. i dont know where you live but there must be bars and nightlife? get a hobby you could meet people through like take a class like a cooking class or some kind of art like pottery theres bound to be people to meet.also that sounds kind of deep that your bros wife uninvited you. you should call him out on that. how is it HER place to do that shes not related to you he is.

[justoverhere]

I have some experience with this, being 'it' in my family, which extended to my own children, from whom I may get an e-card.They are in their forties with children and I heard from them much more when they wanted me to babysit for weeks at a time.So this is what you do, ignore the ingrates, send THEM an e-card andconsider your duty done. Then find people you do like at church or at a place where you are interested in common things, like a night class or an art class or a political organization, talk to people there ask them over for coffee afterward, make your own friends.Do what pleases you for your birthday, have a spa day ending at your favorite restaurant for your favorite meal. Bring your friend, or don't.Learning to recognize what you like and want to do, and then do it, independently of your brothers, don't expect something from them that you are never going to get and get on with your own life, then if they call you or not that's their problem.

[karan]

I think you should understand that your brother are busy within their family and if they forget to wish you then you should not be angry and should call them with their family for a dinner or a small gettogether so I think you should take some intative to get close with them and clearly understand their problems also.

[caledonia]

If my birthday comes, it is up to me if I'm going to celebrate it or not. I am the one who will plan for my birthday. But, I always celebrate it since it is only once a month. However, it is still a great feeling if you have a surprised party organized by someone. I once have a surprise party by my friends and it is really fun and I also feel important, but it is just a 2 hour celebration because I have a plan for myself too. :)

[TNShannon]

If your family has ignored your birthday for this long, no amount of cajoling, begging, or guilt-tripping is going to make them change their ways. This is the way it is, and though it can be hurtful, you can't expect changes to happen at this late date. Everyone seems to not only be comfortable with the way things are, but they go so far as to defend themselves against their bad taste and terrible behavior.

However, that is no reason to snivel and whine. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you're a grown-up who can handle doing something special for yourself if no one else is going to do it for you. Take yourself out to a nice restaurant, buy something you've always wanted, and otherwise mark the day with something you enjoy.

So far as wanting friends without kids so you can have the attention you crave on your birthday...not everyone with kids is as selfish as those people in your family. Painting all parents with the same brush is not only unfair to parents, but speaks volumes about your biases. That doesn't put you in a good light.

Have you ever considered that perhaps by asking people to acknowledge your birthday, and harping on the fact that you never get presents or cards or other things, might make those around you even LESS likely to care? When someone whines to me about not getting something, I'm not usually inclined to change the situation.

Just a thought. :cool: