What is the man's financial responsibility in a relationship?

[i3myeyemakeup]

I'm a newlywed and my husband makes 2.5 times more money than me and he wants to split the joint bills 50-50. If we do it his way, then 60% of my money will go to joint bills and 42% of his money. That's doesn't seem fair to me. Plus, I have child from a previous relationship that I have supported on my own until I got married and moved in with my husband. (I do have a child support order, but my ex doesn't work, so he doesn't pay) So, should I continue to support my child alone? Or should I consider her a joint expense. I mean, I pay for her childcare, clothing, RESP, insurance, school activities and sports and clubs. Are those joint expenses? I also drive her everywhere she needs to go, but consider gas for my car an individual expense.We have different handling styles too, I am a spender and he's a saver. But shouldn't he be responsible for taking care of the family? Obviously, I don't expect a free ride, I've been a single mother and supporting myself and daughter for 8 years before I met him. But I believe, he should contribute more money towards the bills. He completely disagrees with me on this and I don't understand why. Tell me what you think.

[NicoleM]

All your savings are joint by law, so what's the problem?

[justoverhere]

if your married, all money is equal. his is yours, yours is his. if not then why did u get married if u wanna keep things seperate

[maddie]

Well first of all, your child's expenses are completely your responsibility, but you know this already. Second, since he makes a lot more money than you and you are his wife and not some random stranger, he could be a bit more understanding and leniant and pay a bit more of your joint bills. But you can't make him, since he doesn't want that, it's his money to spend and manage as he wishes unfortunately. You should talk to him about it and perhaps try to make him understand how the situation feels for you.

[Ocean]

Get thee to couples counseling toute de suite.Financial problems are the number one cause of divorce. (Personally I think you should both put an equal percentage of your income into a household account and start splitting bills as a couple until you (and he) realize that in a marriage you're in this TOGETHER, FOREVER, but that takes a while for some people to get used to.)

[maddie]

first of all i would try to enforce the child support order on my ex, this is also something u should have discussed prior to marriage. its hard on a relationship when u both have different spending habits. i think the one who makes the most should pay the bigger share or the expenses. your child should not be a joint expense because she does have a dad, and u need to enforce the order and if u don;t have a court order in place u need to get one and most of your money troubles would be over if u made the dead beat dad pay.

[fokker_triplane]

Well, first of all, finances are something you probably should have discussed before marriage. Second, I don't feel that he should be obligate to assist in helping pay partial child support because of your childs dead beat father that can't. If you are a spender, then he is doing you both a favor by saving money in the event of an emergency. So it is something you are going to have to work out with him. Good luck!

[caledonia]

I think when you already get married, the man should surrender all his money to his wife. That's the rule in marriage especially after a church wedding. Well, since he doesn't want to, it is like you are still a single mom. For me, it's not fair. Just hope that you still have enough money for all of what you need to pay.

[karan]

I think he should make it 60-40 considering your expenses and you should advice him your daugther is also a family member and he should not consider as she is only yours.I think you should have discussed this issue before marriage and you can tell him that you can do more work at home if he gives more contribution.

[TNShannon]

I was in quite the same boat, I think. I was a single mother for nine years before I married my husband three years ago. I make quite a bit more money than he does. But I've never seen it as a situation to break down the numbers...we put the money into a joint checking account, have a joint savings account, and put a set amount into that savings account each month. Once the household bills are paid, we talk about what we want to do with the additional money...investments, home improvements, vacations, etc.

The fact that he wants you to contribute exactly 50 percent but he makes so much more than you raises a big red flag for me. And though your child's welfare is definitely your responsibility, he took on some of that responsibility when he married you. He is her stepfather, he lives under the same roof, so if he expects to enjoy all the benefits of being her "in house father" then he's should expect to assume some of the responsibility as well...and that includes little "incidentals" and other expenses that assure she has everything she needs.

I'm stumped as why he would disagree on the obvious inequality here. You don't make as much as he does...okay, fine. But as your husband, it's his job to pick up the slack. Why did he bother to get married in the first place if he doesn't understand that a partnership, a marriage, doesn't come down to cold, hard numbers? It seems like his money is getting in the way of his emotions, and that is NOT a good predictor of how things are going to go here. If you were supposed to split everything equally down the middle, no matter what the situation, you might as well be roommates who have a deep affection for one another, not a married couple who is united in raising a daughter.

By now you've probably had more discussions on the issue...how are things now? Still the same? Has he had a change of heart about the money situation? Let us know what is going on!

I think this is a very interesting topic, and one that all of us might face at one time or another...it's worth a good discussion.