Young, confused single mother

[Denise]

hello to all..i have never had a group of other single mothers to talk to who actually understand what im going thru. I got pregnant at age 18 after about 2 months of knowing the father of my child. I didnt care for him and we def. Werent in love but we decided to see where itd go cus it was all so new to us. He stayed there throughout my entire pregnancy til i hit about 8 months and he left. For no reason just up and left. I knew i couldnt feel bad cus i was almost due but he came back the day before i had my daughter. I had her and he left never saw her nothing. He came back when she was 8 months old and saw her one time for about 45 minutes. And left. Came back 6 months later and stayed around for 2 months and left. Then came back 4 months later and left again. Its be almost a year since he was seen my daughter. Now i know that my aughter is better off without someone like that in her life. Shes a perfect happy well adjusted 2 1/2 yr old now. I resent him for what he has made my life though. I am a 22 yr old single mother who has to work a full time plus overtime job at times. I love my daughter unconditionally but i constantly wonder why i got stuck with this unfortunate life and if i will ever be able to live a normal life not worrying about finances and bills and where well live and everything like that. I get child support from her father but its still difficult. I dont know how to ease my guilt over her never having a father

[frankiesmom]

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this, I do truly know your pain and questions about the life you now have to live. I myself have a 4 year old and am dealing with the same situation as you, the only difference is I am 34 and my sons father is 39, he was not around for the pregnancy and did not meet my son till he was 4 months old. The first year he was involved, I got child support and he would come by every weekend to spend time with Frankie. After that first year he stopped giving child support every visit and it turned into maybe once a month and now it is nothing, since Dec 2010 I have only received $200 as for the visits he blows off weeks at a time, no calls no texts and then boom on a saturday he will text me to come see my son, to which I tell him no, by that time I have plans. For awhile I kept every other weekend open and would just be stuck at home hoping to hear from him and I finally said to myself why am I doing this?? Why aren't I out doing something fun for my son, it isn't fare to him to sit around the house and wait for a man he hardly knows!! And it wasn't fare to me, I bust my ass monday thru friday working 10 hour days to get us by, why should I miss time with my son!! I decided WE come first!! All the hard work WE put in as mothers is what is going to make our children STRONG...they will see when they get older what we made sure they had and they will see how much we love them! Fathers are suppose to be there to help guide there childen but not all men are meant to be fathers, they don't know what it means to make sure their child is taken care of and they don't know what us mothers go thru on raising and providing for our children. They are so stuck on living there lives with out care and putting themselfs first that they don't realize what they are loosing....and what they loose is the bond that us mothers get with our children. All you can do is stay strong and know that you are working towards something great, and that something great will be rewarded to you the day your daughter becomes a mother herself and looks at you and says WOW this is what you gave up for me, this is what you did for me to make me who I am today! We as mothers want what is best for our children and all you can do is keep going, every day, every struggle and every doubt you have will be rewarded but you need to stay strong in yourself!! No mother wants there child to be with out a father, but I can no longer feel quilty about the actions of a grown man and one day my son will ask and when that day comes and he is old enough to know the truth (just as in your case) I will tell him the truth, and if he still wants to meet his father or spend time with him, I am secure in the fact that he will see the truth in the person his father is and he will understand why his father was not there! I hope that these words find you some comfort! But don't ever give up on yourself stay strong and true to yourself and your daughter and I wish you luck!!!

[angie828]

Just stay strong and know that everyone on here is here for you. It is hard to work, especially the overtime but I am sure that within time it will get better. Do what you have to do to give your daughter a great life now.