Need advice on raising a rebelious teenager as a single mother

[SallySue15]

I have a close friend that is raising her 15 year old son as a single parent. The boy's father is not in the picture at all. The boy is really a trouble maker and does not follow any of my friends rules, and is constantly disrespectful to her. He has been skipping school, staying out till all hours of the night, under age drinking, and probably taking drugs. My friend does not know what to do or where to turn. She does not have money for tuition to send him to military school. Does anyone have any experience with a similar situation or recommendations to make the situation better? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[TNShannon]

I have a younger sister who sounds just like this. My mother raised all of us completely alone, and none of us ever got out of line...until my little sis. It was a rocky road for a while.

Mom finally turned to the police department and asked them what she could do, and they told her essentially, there was nothing. She wasn't exactly "missing" because Mom knew where she was, and she was breaking Mom's rules, but not the law. The most they could do was a welfare check, and then they could scan for warrants for the people she might be there with -- but in the absence of wrongdoing, the officers told my mother the best she could hope was that she "slipped up" and got arrested.

I know it sounds odd, but he was right -- the biggest blessing came when my sister was arrested. She was caught shoplifting, and on top of that, she had marijuana in her pocket. Suddenly she had to sit in juvenile detention while her friends went about their merry ways. Mom didn't go to get her out, which tore my mother apart, as you can imagine...but she was convinced it was the right thing to do. And at least she knew where my sister was.

At some point, your friend's son WILL get caught. He will do something that puts him on the wrong side of the law, and he will wind up in a jail cell to think things through. The thought of her son in jail will probably tear her apart, but the bright side is that he will get the wake-up call he needs.

While my mother was going through this, there were so many people who said, "Well, why doesn't she just get her under control???" It's not that simple. By the time they hit the late teen years, they are the size of an adult, with a determination to match. You can't lock them in their rooms. You can't ground them effectively, and you certainly can't spank them. What is left? All you can do is reason with them, take away what you can in form of punishment, but if they are hellbent on disrespect and being on their "own" they will do whatever it takes to get there.

Hopefully, it will be chalked up to a "phase" and all of this will blow over...but it might be a rough road until then. I wish your friend the best of luck, and I wish I could help more than this.