How to Handle Different Religious Beliefs

[TNShannon]

I've got a problem, and I hope someone on the board can help me out.

My ex-husband and I have always gotten along great, and we still do...but some things are happening lately that are freaking me out, and more importantly, making my kids very uncomfortable. Here's the deal: He got remarried last year to a woman we all thought was just flat-out wonderful. But since their marriage, both of them have become extremely religious.

I realized just how strange things were getting when the kids called from their house, upset and scared, because she had apparently started speaking in tongues. Then she fell to the floor and began having what appeared to be a seizure. After she recovered, she told the children it was the spirit of the devil fighting to get into her body, and she didn't let it happen.

This whole time, their father was kneeling over her, talking her through whatever it was...and ignoring the children throughout all this. When it was over, she warned the children that it could happen to all good Christians, and that they should be prepared for the day it happened to them, too.

Since then, she has twice "annointed" my son with oil...for mosquito bites.

When my son mentioned he had a girlfriend, and she had kissed him once, she took him aside and told him that was a sin...that he should never kiss someone, or even think about kissing someone, until they were married. I thought she was kidding. She wasn't.

My daughter has faced the same things, obviously.

The kids are well-adjusted and confident children...and sometimes I think that's the only thing that saves them from the craziness. They talked to their guidance counselor at school about it a few months ago, and she immediately called me and said I should talk to Child Services, and get them into serious counseling so they know what's okay and what's not...I did get them into counseling.

But the Child Services thing is tough, because their stepmother works for Child Services. That makes me quite worried for those families who fall under her caseload, and makes me wonder if she's imposing her religious beliefs on them, too? But that's another story.

Anyway, to wrap up this long story, I've tried talking to my ex-husband about all of this, and he says he knows she's a bit "out there" but says she's not hurting anyone. I agreed at first, but since then she has gotten more extreme, and now I'm starting to worry about everyone involved.

Does anyone have suggestions on how to handle this? Or how to deal with Child Services without actually dealing with Child Services? Or even if religious fanaticism is an issue that any state program will address? I know they stay out of religious beliefs, but what if those beliefs begin to frighten the children? It seems her actions are bordering on abusive. They certainly seem to be bordering on crazy, and they are consistently getting worse.

Any ideas, thoughts, comments, and discussion are welcome and appreciated!

[angie1976]

I would write a letter to this person's supervisor at CPS, outlining the situation and specific instances that are causing you the most concern. This will likely start an investigation into her unusual behavior that may lead to either counseling and education for her, or removal from her position. It is likely that she is not only causing your children to be concerned, but that she is handling all of her cases inappropriately.

Once you write the letter, you can either mail it or take it in to the office, personally. If you take it in, it may provide you with an opportunity to speak with her supervisor about what has been going on, and your concerns about her behavior.

As a side note, CPS workers are supposed to be trained in religious tolerance, meaning that her personal religious beliefs should not interfere with how she conducts her investigations. From the sound of her behavior, I am not sure that she would be able to do that. This is another reason that her supervisor should be made aware of her beliefs and unusual behavior.

Good luck! You should let us know how it turns out.

[TNShannon]

Thank you for this advice...I think I'm going to take it. Writing a letter would, at the very least, make it a point of record, and that could come in handy if her religious beliefs continue to move to a more extreme place. I can always think things out better in a letter as well, so I will be able to express my concerns more clearly that way, I think.

I hadn't thought of writing a letter...that's great! Thank you!

I think I mentioned that my children are now seeing a counselor, and she has done a great job of helping them understand things that maybe I haven't been able to articulate very well. But one of her concerns is that the deeply religious attitude began rather abruptly, and is becoming extreme very quickly. She said that normally she would say someone's religious beliefs are something not to be questioned, but when it happens literally overnight and escalates, it could be a sign of a problem rather than a religious conversion.

I have a feeling this is going to be a serious issue we are dealing with for a long time.

[angie1976]

How is your ex-husband dealing with all of this? Is he as over the top as his new wife, or is he just trying to sympathize and relate to her?

I know this may sound judgmental, but it sounds like she may have had some kind of mental breakdown, especially if her move to religious fanaticism happened over night. Your ex-husband may eventually side with you and work to get her some help. I will hope for the best outcome for you, your family, and especially your children. Good luck with everything!

[TNShannon]

My ex-husband isn't as over-the-top as she is...he is very tolerant, but he is getting concerned. I haven't talked about it with him much, since I don't want to be seen as meddling, but he's been the one to bring it up in conversation. I'm starting to think that this religious drama is affecting their marriage.

I did draft that letter to Child Services, though I haven't sent it yet...I want to sit on it for a week and then go back to make sure I've said everything that needed to be said, and that I didn't make the issue too personal, if that makes sense?

Thank you for all the good advice...something will happen with the situation soon, I'm sure. I'm just not sure what.

[angie1976]

Hello Shannon,

Have there been any changes in your situation? I am hoping that things have gotten better for you.

How did the letter work out with Child Services?

Best wishes,
Angie