Question for single parents ... ?

[Auburn]

My cousin had a daughter with her first husband, and a son by her second husband . When she married her third husband, he told her kids they weren't allowed to date . I thought she should have told him "Don't make rules for MY kids !" . If I had children, I wouldn't want ANYBODY but their mother and I making rules for them . Now to get to the heart of the matter -- It's common for single parents to get married soon ( possibly a year or two ) after their first marriage ends . Why don't more single parents wait until their children are grown up before they get married again ? That way, you wouldn't have to worry about a new stepparent's rules and expectations for your children, and you don't have to "play referee" when your children don't agree with your new spouse . Do you want a new spouse's child -- raising ideas or a financial contribution ? I'd think you might rather go through your kid's childhood WITHOUT a stepparent . Can you add any thoughts ? Thank you in advance for your answers .Nowhere was I making ANY rules for ANYBODY ! I was ONLY asking a question ! You can do whatever you want, but if I don't understand it, I'm going to ask about it !

[Jonie]

if someone else is going to be helping to raise a child then of course they should have a say in that childs well being and life

[i3myeyemakeup]

Some people aren't giving up the benefits of marriage without the marriage.

[i3myeyemakeup]

My daughter was 2 when her father and I split up, so that means I should have waited 16 years before getting married again? How much different would it be if I was seriously dating a man who was in my life regularly and in my children's life? He may not be making rules, but they would still have to listen to him and respect him because he is their elder and he's my boyfriend. Step-parents have a right to set up rules for their step-kids with the support of their spouse. That's like saying they don't have any authority or deserve respect in their OWN house because the children aren't biologically theirs. That's doesn't make any sense.

[Jonie]

The step parent and the parent should be a team, just as two biological parents should be.He shouldn't dictate anything that she doesn't agree with, therefore she doesn't have to be a referee.A good step parent can be a great thing for a child to have growing up. Many step parents are more involved, more loving and more committed than the noncustodial parent.

[shan_nxoxo]

Some people aren't strong enough not to fall in love with another person and sometimes as a result they get married. Some people want the mom, dad, baby scenario and hope and pray for it. One thing to keep in mind kids grow up and eventually leave the nest but a good relationship hopefully is forever. However he should have discussed his new rules with your cousin before laying down the law. If he did maybe she agrees with him we simply don't know what goes on behind closed doors so-to-speak. If she doesn't agree with them then maybe she needs to lay down the law in her household.

[Ocean]

If the children live under the roof the step parent provides or helps to provide for them then they live under the rules that step parent sets down for the household. Single parents don't HAVE to live their lives alone without adult companionship and love of a mate just because they have children from a previous marriage/relationship. Maybe that wil be fine for YOU but you don't have the right to dictate to the rest of the world. Just because YOU are selfish doesn't mean everyone else has to comply with your selfish rules.

[NicoleM]

I'm choosing to wait until my son leaves home. I don't feel like meeting guys anyway....

[caledonia]

For me, it is still better to hear the explanation of both sides. The step parent and the child should talk to each other about what they want and doesn't want, they should also both agree if there were new rules to be set, so that they will also both understand each other.

[TNShannon]

I think it all comes down to communication. If the single parent is not willing or able to learn to communicate with their new romantic interest -- all the while putting the kids first -- then they aren't ready to get married again, in my opinion. There has to be compromise, and firm boundaries. Those boundaries are up to the people in the relationship, but they have to TALK about every aspect of it.

Not willing to talk? Don't get married again.